Friday, January 21, 2005
Twice funny, Once inspired
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said. "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife!" The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Same instructions, save that she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Funny in a different way is this picture from the Associated Press coverage of Bush's inauguration. Really. I'm not making this up. I wonder what happens if you play a tape of the inaugural speech backwards?
On the other hand, I found this speech to be occasionally clumsy, but frequently moving. And I am cheered, cross-referencing, to find this out as well. As Star and I were commenting last night, having just helped dig someone's car out of a snowbank along with ~3 other stopped carfulls of Samaritans... "It's good to be Canadian."
No offense to my US reader(s), of course.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said. "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife!" The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Same instructions, save that she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Funny in a different way is this picture from the Associated Press coverage of Bush's inauguration. Really. I'm not making this up. I wonder what happens if you play a tape of the inaugural speech backwards?
On the other hand, I found this speech to be occasionally clumsy, but frequently moving. And I am cheered, cross-referencing, to find this out as well. As Star and I were commenting last night, having just helped dig someone's car out of a snowbank along with ~3 other stopped carfulls of Samaritans... "It's good to be Canadian."
No offense to my US reader(s), of course.
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